I Remember

I remember how she had different nails each week, and different hair every couple of months.
I remember how she had a bounce in her walk as she listened to music. She'd tilt her head downward and sway it to the music. 
I remember how every time I got a text, I hoped it would be from her.
I remember the feeling I got in my stomach when I saw her down the hall, and how I wouldn't hesitate to walk to her and hold her waist as we walked to our first period.
I remember the way she would take a hold of my biceps when she got scared.
I remember the way she would rest her head on my chest when I hugged her, because I was taller.
I remember the smell of her house.
I remember how she laughed when I tried for about 20 minutes to accomplish a task in the Donkey Kong 64 game, only to discover that someone had already completed it.
I remember how she had blue eye shadow for one eye, and green for the other when I took her on our first date.
I remember how she told me she loved me.
I remember how she called me her "Eroe" which is "hero" in Italian. Because she said that I was her hero.
  
I remember how her neck tasted.

I remember the way her body felt next to mine when I would sneak over and sleep next to her.
I remember how much I would dread it when I had to leave, climbing out of her basement window into her front yard.

I remember the way that when she cried when she was texting me, I could tell because there would be a lot of repeated letters and other typos.

I remember how I was the one that broke both of our hearts on a cloudy afternoon in my car behind the school.
I remember being sick of the jealousy. I remember being done with the fighting. I remember feeling so overwhelmed with my own emotion that I thought I was going to implode.

I remember hating myself and loving her.

I still love her. Not in a mushy, romantic, let's-get-back-together sort of way. But in the way where if she called and needed me for something, anything, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

-The Wolf Boy

"Miss you already...."

I love it when people text me "I miss you already." within two or three hours after being apart. Some may see it as emotional neediness or attention whoring, but I think it's sweet that they genuinely miss me, and have the courage to be honest about it.

Three people in my life have done this. 

And I just thought I'd say that I love it. 

-The Wolf Boy

2 A.M.

A glowing white wolf pads up to me, lighting up golden shards of grass as it approaches. It pauses then sits in front of me and looks up into me.

Its eyes are black but alive. They search but don't ask. They're trying to understand my decisions but not prodding.

I reach down and pet its head gently. It's soft and warm. It wants to comfort me. I look back to it and say hello. It answers with an upward twitch of its tail.

Concrete Lake

From about 7 to 7:30 P.M. I sail across the concrete lake, because I'm making bad decisions. The light of the day is gone and a single lamp post sits on a slim shore of grass. It acts as a lighthouse, warning travelers of the brick walls that surround three fourths of the lake. There are two small canals that lead outwards in opposite directions, but they soon become asphalt. I feel more at ease when sailing on the concrete. It's secluded.

I wonder how many others have sailed across this concrete lake while making similar bad decisions. I know some have, because I can see the cigarette butts littering the ground around the lighthouse for about a 5 foot radius.

We flock to the lighthouse, the others and me. Never meeting, but seeing the evidence of the others. Unfamiliar footprints in the cold, white, crystallized sand tell a story. A simple one, but one that makes me feel less alone.

A crushed can of something I suspect is alcoholic is half buried in the freezing sand. The sailors are definitely not a sober people. I laugh at myself and my thoughts as I stumble away, leaving in a shakier manner than that in which I came. The concrete really does become liquid for a moment underneath my drunken feet.

I should really stop making such bad decisions, but I can't resist the allure of the calm, silent, concrete lake.

-The Wolf Boy